Depression

Hi,
I am a wife and mother of two daughters. ( 9yrs, and 2yrs old. I have low self esteem and inferiority complex from childhood. can't make friends, can't prolong conversation, not talkative, afraid to do anything, unhappy,disaatisfied in everything, feel life is boring, selfish, not sensitive, tearful if somebody points my mistake, can't mingle with people. I shout at my children a lot. It's like i can express all my frustration on them. I don't hit them. but i feel like hitting them badly. if my younger daughter cries i don't feel like consoling her iwill scream at her more. I feel like i am not raising them properly. but i love them. is there any medicine so that i control my self without screaming on them always?
Thanks.


Hi,
it's me again. nobody posted anything for me. I am disappointed.
Can somebody tell me which is my constitutional medicine?
I only shout at my husband and my kids. I am very good for outside people.(not to my inlaws because i won't talk much i can't communicate well with them, because of inlaws fear.) everybody won't believe if i say i scream at my kids. I lose my temper at my kids and sometimes feel i should hit them badly and throw them away.


I feel like i have two wills. Should i try anacardium? or should i try kaliphos? can i take kaliphos 200 for my anxiety and tension?
Still i need to find my constitutional medicine. I am confused. i am gentle, yielding to others than my family. if my husband or my daughters asks me anything my answer is always no. but after that i do the things they say. For others i can't say no. I have little thirst which suits puls. i don't need to be consoled which is opposite to puls. i want company and i like to be alone too. i can't talk to people directly but i want to talk on the phone with my friends always. it's like i talk with them confortably on phone than personally. i feel sad, discontent, boring. can't enjoy anything. If somebody says they enjoyed something, i feel jealous, i feel that i am the only saddest person in the world.

I feel that "I am not affectionate to any body. i don't love anybody". Which is opposite to puls. I can't manage anything. I feel worthless.

So Can somebody tell me which is my constitutional remedy?

I have inferiority complex from childhood. I can't do anything if i think someone is observing me. I am afraid to go out alone, afraid to go for shopping alone, afraid to drive, afraid to meet people, afraid to make friends( i can't conversate well. i am not talkative).

I shout a lot at my children, occationally at my husband. But if he
shouts at me, or points me for something i feel like crying. But i don't
like to be consoled. I feel i am not good at anything, like rising children,
have patience with them. i feel worthless. i feel like i don't have love for
anybody, i don't have affection towards anybody.( which is opposite to pulsatilla.)

I do things(work) very slowly. I can't manage time. Small task ,example getting ready to go out with children is big task for me. I shout at them a lot.

I get worried about my future. the more i think about future i get depressed. I get worried if my daughter says that she doesn't have any friends at school. I afraid that she ends up like me.

I like going out. But i like to stay home alone too. I want every body out and i like watching tv, like those things. but I like fresh air too.
When My younger daughter( 2yrs old) clings to me when i have work, i
feel frustrated. Then i wish i don't have children. i feel emotions like hitting her. but i don't. i feel trapped.

I don't have major health problems. not even headache. But i have shoulder pains from teenage. While writing ifeel stiffness in my shoulders and i used to stretch arms. It is still there. When i feel tension or
depressed they become more. i get aches all over my body.

I am gentle for outside people but not with my kids and husband. I
scream at my children a lot.
But i love them. it's like u have independence to shout on them.

I don't feel interest in life. Everything in life is a problem for me. I get irritated and depressed for everything.

I keep thinking of same subject for some days and i move on to another subject. Like when i started looking homeopathy forum, i was only doing that on internet. i got homeopathy books from library. i read them. i talked my symptoms with my friend, who is homeopathy doctor, she suggested taking pulsatilla 200 for three weeks once a week. i tried and i felt a bit better. but after that she said i have to wait for 3-4 months and
continue the same medicine . i was not satisfied with this. i tried taking
kaliphos 30, for one week, once daily and i felt it is better than puls. so
now i am not taking anything. what should i do next?

I won't feel thirsty. i like open air. i want to be left alone and enjoy my time like watching tv. but i like company too. I can't conversate much. but i like to listen. From childhood i have one feeling that everybody likes people who talk a lot,because i do. i had feeling that nobody wants to be friends with me. i don't have many friends.

i can't take any decision alone. i am confused. I have less memory. I hesitate to do anything in public. but i won't tremble. i feel awkward.

i am 32 yrs old. i am not undergoing any menopause stage i believe.
My menses is regular, 26-28 cycle. it lasts upto 4-5 days. scanty, dark red. Just before half day of my menses, i feel a bit stomachache, not severe. Pain in buttocks legs, and feel shoulder pain.
After one day after the menses started i feel better.
No change in moods after menses or before menses. i had two pregnancies, no miscarriages. i didn't use any medication during pregnancy. got yeast infection only one time after first pregnancy. treated with some prescribed yeast infection cream. never used anything other than condom for birth control. Not severe emotional breakdown anytime.


about nervous breakdown. When i was a teenager, i was sorry that i could not make friends, i can't be happy like others, then i was thinking a lot about suicide. but afraid to do it. now i don't have that suicidal tendency. but i feel worthless.
I feel pain in the finger joints whenever i sew with hand. Mainly i have joint pains. I feel to stretch my joints may be because of stiffness. When i use my sewing machine, my mind becomes dull. If i do a silly thing i keep thinking about it and i feel very bad.
I have only one mole on my chin. no warts. my hair is soft and oily. i can't see far objects clearly. i have sight defect of -2.5 i both eyes from when i am a teenager.

I am very timid. one time i went to a dance performance of my daughter's senior in the dance class, after the performance, i kept on observing people that are congratulating her but i couln't go to her to congratulate. my daughter was with me.what will she learn from me? after that i kept thinking about that and i felt very bad.
in may 2004, i went for summer camp i couln't make any friends, every body made friends and were happy. i talked to some people but i couldn't talk much. so naturally i was alone in that camp for two days and i felt very bad.

i didn't use any allopathic medicines except advil and martin sometimes every month for stamochahe during menses(only one or two doses). I didn't use any antibiotics for any reason. i am overall a healthy person.

i get irritated for everything. If i get toys in my way i get irritated. Even when my daughter wants me to carry her all the time, i feel like killing her and throwing her out. My daughters wants me to sleep with them. To sleep in the same bed with them in the middle makes me irritated.
I want them to leave me alone and play by themselves. i don't want to spend time with them. I feel tense when i have to enter in a room with lots of people.
When i wasn't married i.e when i was living with my parents i was soft, sensitive.
Couln't yell or shout , couldn't express my feelings since that's the way i was raised. My mom was comparing us with other kids, and i devoloped low self esteem.
Even about the puberty changes i was not comfortable with my mom's words. She made me feel like i have to hide my changes. So, i devoloped low self esteem and i couln't go out without checking my face lot of times in the mirror. if i feel beautiful i was confident. Eventhough everyone said i was attractive i could not believe it. even now.
I read on th net that in depression if you feel anattractive the remedy is sepia. is that true.

So after marriage also i was nice, atleast try to be nice outside. After my first delivery i couldn't take care of my daughter, because we couldn't bring our parents from our country. we managed alone. i think from then it started. i didn't raise my elder daughter properly i belive. i was shouting at her.
fighting with her if she don't listen to me, i was treating her like a big girl.
But i never hit her. but i was screaming at her for the same thing for a long time.
So i think from then it started. expressing all my anger and frustration on the kids. There is no specific time for that. Whenever she clings to me i feel irritated. She has one habbit of moving my ear lobe whenever she sleeps or whenever i carry her. i hit her on her hand.

whenever i think that about future ,i am worthless and other foolish things i did, and whenever i feel tense, my shoulder pains aggravate and i feel aches all over my body.
Whenever i have to get ready to go out i feel aches. The aches links to my mind i think.
i am indifferent to my kids doen't mean that i won't kiss my daughter and fondle her. i do that everyday. but whenever i have work, especially in the mornings when i have work makes me think like that.

And while browsing net i saw that lycopodium is the constitutional remedy for people who are dictators at home but shy, outside. I am confused about all the remedies. puls, sepia, silicea, now lycopodium . they all work for the same symptoms.

I get irritated for everything. if my dress is uncomfortable, if my hair comes off my bride, when my husband walks around without wearing a shirt, when my daughter wants to carry me when i have work. And one more thing. i feel hurry when they are home, and i want to sit on the net and browse when they are not around, eventhough i have work to do.

i can't talk when there are lot of people talking. i just want to avoid people. When thre is only one person who is talkative, i can talk and be comfortable.

I have a very feeling that my feet don't look good like ladies feet. they don't have good shape and i have hair on toes. so i hide my feet whereever i go. even i can't sit my feet showing with my husband. At that time they feel numb.

Dr. Pankaj varma,
I ordered sepia 200. It will take a while to get it. I will start it as soon as i get it and post back the response.

Depression From trin70 on 2004-10-08
Hello Dr. Pankaj varma,
I took sepia 200 one dose today. I will post the response regularly from now onwards.
I hope you give follow up in this case.

Thankyou very much.

Dr. Pankaj varma,
It's been two days since i took sepia 200.

No aggravations as per now.
I got my period it was surprisingly not painful.
I didn't took advil this time.
No leg cramps, nothing.

I felt my irritation also got less.

I will post after two days again with the response.
Dr. Pankaj varma,

I am so burried in my daughter's ear problem that i couldn't even notice any changes in me. Not observable other changes, but my irritation is definitely a bit less. After 3 days of taking sepia my right foot was aching in the middle part which is gone now.

It's been 5 days since i took sepia.

Usually i am secretive with my husband . i can't even surf the net when he is home
which makes me depressed when he is home. i want him to go out.

I will post again if any other changes occurs.