Osteoporosis and more, chronic case for David

Another symptom that has been bothering me for over two years now is a feeling of pressure in my gallbladder/liver area. Sometimes it feels very much like way back when I was pregnant and a foot or knee would push at my lower ribs. It often feels like there is a big balloon in there that is being blown up with something more firm than air. I have had several ultrasounds on that area but nothing seemed abnormal. Liver issues are common with mastocytosis and my Alk Phos blood test is high. My bilirubin is usually high due to Gilbert's Syndrome that was diagnosed when I was around 17 and was thought to have Hepatitis. My eosinophils are usually high as well.

I mentioned this because I feel it pushing up under my lower right ribs now.

Hi David,

It's evening here and I'm coughing much more as well as my eyes burning and watering. Again I feel cold symptoms with stuffiness, as I did around the same time yesterday.. I feel tightness and a bubble moving in my windpipe. When I cough nothing comes up.

I'm not really sure why my eyes are burning so much because it's very rare for me. I am cooking beets on the stove but I checked and there is nothing that has splattered to burn. Could it be the arnica?

~Tahbi

1. What exactly happens?
2. Describe all sensations and pains. Each pain or sensation should be described in such a way that allows us to imagine having the same pain.
3. What causes the problem to get worse after it has started occurring?
4. What creates some relief for the problem?
5. What triggers the problem into occuring?
6. What time of the day or night does the problem occur?
7. When did the problem start? What was happening in your life at that time? Did some specific event or treatment take place just before the problem started?

Hi David,
When I read these questions I am flooded with anxiety and am overwhelmed with bits and pieces of answers, symptoms, time frame and more... no clarity whatsoever. It comes on as soon as I read them and try to answer. It builds and builds to such a degree that I can't seem to separate symptom from symptom, get facts or anything. It seems like huge noise in my head and heart and I feel like I must do anything to stop it or it will destroy me. This has happened for as long as I can remember. I always felt I was the stupid, over-emotional one in the family. I was clearly very different from the others. I was the only one out of four daughters (no sons) that had light-colored hair and I know I had learning disabilities. My father was a brilliant scientist, had many bio-physics patented inventions, was chairman of electrical engineering at a major university, and although I'm sure he loved me, he never told me or was affectionate at all, only critical. I constantly felt embarrassed... totally humiliated. He could look at me and I would completely fall apart. Most family meals, every evening for years, there would be a discussion about something that would be over my head, I would get silly, he would give me 'that look' or say something that would make me feel like I would die, and I would run to my bedroom mortified. That theme unfortunately carried on much of my life. The thing is that I thought this man was the most handsome, smartest, funniest with humor... and I always failed 'the test'. I felt constantly stupid and humiliated. That carried over to most humans that have been in my life unless they were frail, very ill, disabled in some way. I am extremely sensitive in all ways as well as intuitive. It has always been quite unbearable to interact with more people at a time than one on one. I was extremely creative until my menopause killed that and almost killed me. From childhood until the first physically painful night-drench of menopause, I would awake with dreams that would guide me through the day as well as trouble shoot tough issues for myself and others. The creativity and dreams were an amazing, powerful gift that ended abruptly in the summer of 2005 with the beginning of menopause. I almost died several times that fall due to severe mastocytosis flares. I truly felt my spirit was gone. I am still not creative but thanks to magnesium oil I can usually put one foot in front of the other. I have really learned alot about what is important in this life, even if it feels mostly unobtainable for me.

Saying my father was intense was an understatement. He had Parkinson's disease from 1970 to his death in 2004.

I think my mast cell disease is an apt metaphor for the endless personal, emotional experiences that over developed my fight or flight response. I don't seem to have much fight though.... I retreat into a cave and just wait until I'm able to resurface. Whew!!! Just writing all that was major!

I will make a wet dose of Arnica 200C and take a dose in an hour or so unless I hear otherwise.

Thank you, David

Hi David,

About 45 minutes ago I put four pellets of Arnica 200c into a 500ml bottle of water after removing about 1/4 cup of water. I then sucussed twice and it is in my fridge. I am about to take a capful dose (with no more sucussions) but thought I should document how I feel and any present symptoms before the first dose of this increase in Arnica potency.

Emotionally I feel quite calm even though there is continued worry about my 9 year old granddaughter who was taken to Brazil with my daughter. (huge history, very difficult) There is nothing I can do and there are huge legitimate concerns because Ana has no spleen due to an auto accident and had open heart surgery as an infant. They are in an area that has malaria, yellow fever and more. Typing about this now is raising my anxiety level but I know there is nothing I can do to change it. My daughter has been beyond challenging her whole 31 years and I believe she is bipolar. Yesterday I received a rare email saying that Ana had had a very high fever over the weekend. Hopefully she is fine. Ana has lived with me for the last two summers and I am the only one who has really been there for her since her birth. It's been ongoing drama.

My asthma is threatening to start up again and there has been more coughing with pressure in my chest and windpipe. It feels there is something in there moving around as I breathe. When I cough I have just a split second of relief. Nothing is being coughed up.

Even though I took the unusually long hike yesterday my legs feel fine. However my chronic back discomfort is worse now with the liver pressure there as well. The back discomfort is better on laying down. Doing something like washing dishes with my arms extended in front makes it much worse and it builds and builds in my mid back until I must lay down. Right now the pressure/discomfort is spreading to my right side in the kidney area. I have had chronic injuries/issues with my right shoulder area since an over-use issue during my landscape-gardening work in the 1980s. In 1991 I had a growth of some kind removed in my sc joint on that right side. Decades of history with torn muscles on the right shoulder/back area, frozen shoulders on both sides, and neck issues. My neck by my back right shoulder is bothering me today. I try to stay away from MDs like the plague but my chiropractor/kinesiologist sees me often. She tries to put me back together again but rarely does it hold. I'm so fearful about kyphosis and osteoporosis, and feel like my right shoulder history and issues are preventing me from having healthful posture. In the past I had excellent posture and was unusually strong for a female.

There has rarely been a time when I am not fatigued and right now is no different.

I will take the Arnica 200c dose now.

~tahbi

Hi David,

Nothing obvious is showing up with the 200C. I have been in a pretty calm, relaxed mood and took a great walk with my dog earlier.

I am coughing quite a bit more, with my windpipe and chest very tight and slight wheezing but that has been fluctuating so I don't think it's due to the Arnica potency increase.

I also can't tell if the gassiness after eating my apple during the walk was connected to the higher potency. I have been burping alot too... but again, it's been typical. I sure wish the cough would stop! At this point the weather has been cloudy, dark, damp and cool for too many days. That almost always makes me worse but in the summer I like those days more.

I'm still taking the Nat Phos 6x after each meal but it seems to not be making a difference with the asthma/gerd since the weather changed.

I won't take another dose of the Arnica until I hear back from you.

Thanks....

Hi David,

Yes, I had already decided to stop the Nat Phos. I am only taking your advice now.

Are my rambling posts giving you info in a way that will help guide you to the right remedy(ies)? I'm trying to keep myself from going into that too-threatening, shutdown mode. That aconite-like state is not helpful for you or me and I know it buries my disease deeper and deeper.

I'm not sure how measurable Arnica';s effect is having on me. If it is, it is very, very subtle. Of course I prefer that to scary reactions and drama.

The asthma/gerd duo was quite bad last night and yet it seems to go in waves. I may be slightly better in that way right now but I just woke and I feel it starting to build with a burp and now needing a double cough. It is still very cloudy and bleak outside yet my mood seems to still be calm other than fleeting thoughts of deep, intuitive concern for my granddaughter.

Right now as I feel the pressure in my chest and windpipe building, as well as the cough, it feels slightly different that it had, maybe because I'm looking at it so closely. It's a very subtle feeling of my left chest, over my heart, being slightly thicker or the skin over that area thicker. When the bad virus that started this recent chapter hit me two months ago, with fever, lots of sweating, lots of aches and pains especially from my groin area, if I lay on my left side I could not take any breath at all. My lungs would not inflate. If I lay on my right side, I would cough but could get some air as long as I stayed calm. To this day I still have more trouble breathing when laying on my left side.

I have not mentioned my teeth which are a big issue as well as the emotional part since I was a child and the teeth on either side of my two top front ones came in as disfigured peg teeth. I still remember the remark from my maternal grandmother that had a profound negative effect on me... 'What happened? Your baby teeth were so beautiful!' I was painfully shy with no self confidence at all anyway and that comment started over thirty years of never making eye contact with people and never smiling or laughing freely in front of anyone. I would cover my mouth with my hand every single time rather than have anyone see my ugly teeth. I was profoundly affected and when I finally had them capped at about 18 years of age the dentist did an awful job that was very traumatic in every way. I then had to have them re-capped in my forties. Not only was it very traumatic but I think it triggered the cascade of more physical, autoimmune-type of health issues that were to escalate from that point. In addition to the emotional baggage and pain from the procedure, I first developed a very bad burning rash in my mouth. Then I developed bronchial-pneumonia and then thrush. My right shoulder issues and torn muscles on that side caused by too much pole pruning in my landscape/gardener work had already become extremely painful so I could not keep working that self-employment. I am positive that the injury happened because my MD had me take strong drugs for severe headaches that were almost constant every day for a long period of time. I can't remember how long a period that was but I'm sure that I should not have been working under that numbing effect and I kept working without paying attention or feeling the warning pains. Yes, that seems like arnica to me.

So, because of very bad dental work that has been extremely traumatic and messed up the alignment and integrity of my teeth, my bite has become worse and worse and all of my teeth have been worn down from eating and living, especially my front lower teeth. They are now so thin at the top edges that they are oversensitive and chipping off. My whole bite is off and I don't know what or how it can be helped from the domino effect. I'm sure my osteoporosis is not helping but the problem was born a long time before the osteoporosis.

While typing that I became more anxious and coughing more with some burping. My head feels very heavy like it often does when my masto is flaring.... BUT, I did not shut down. I was able to write it out which is amazing.

Thanks....

I have a question about the arnica mind, of which there seems to be lots similar to mine.

When it says,

'mind; talking, conversation; obstinate; declares there is nothing the matter with him;'

or

'mind; emotions, feelings, attitude, disposition; irritability; sends doctor home, says is not sick;'

Would you please explain the reasons or motive for those quotes?

Could it be that the patient knows he is very ill or injured but because of the past traumas with doctors/people when he was ill or injured or just needed help in any way at all, due to his inability to be 'heard' or understood or they are too brusk or arrogant or the patient is too humiliated when he absolutely knows there is something very serious going on and he thinks.... 'why bother'.... and rather retreats in his safe cave alone rather than risk everything getting worse and more threatening.

What do you think?

~tahbi
[message edited by tahbi on Wed, 19 Oct 2011 14:59:04 BST]

Hi David,

My emotional state is still very calm. I made myself go take a long brisk walk with my dog even though it is still very overcast, windy and chilly. I felt worn out like usual even though I had not done anything to tire myself out. I was a bit achey in my hip joints when I began but that is not unusual, especially because I've been pushing myself with the walking and hiking lately. It won't be long before the freezing, snowy winter is here.

The only unusual symptom to show up is that I became more and more thirsty as my walk went on. I am rarely thirsty at all and this was building very quickly. I could not wait to get a drink when I got home. I also began getting gassier and coughing more and more as the walk went on. About thirst, I often have trouble drinking water, with stomach pains and/or burping or coughing.

My back and hips are achey which is common and my stomach is very gassy and bloated with pressure in my liver/gallbladder area. One of the chipped teeth on the bottom has been more and more sensitive the last few weeks and today I'm getting real nerve pain with cold especially.

~tahbi

That is very interesting because I feel that way on the emotional or imagined level yet I crave gentle hugs and cuddles. It's been far too long since any hugs and cuddles other than my granddaughter who is now in Brazil. I grew up in a family who was not physically demonstrative at all. The only one in my childhood who cuddled me was my special grandma who I lived near until I was 12. I craved gentle cuddles and still do but it's not in my life because I have no partner. I was always a very sexual person but was so shy and lacked self-esteem so there have been very few lovers and few relationships in my almost 59 years. I am still very sexual but menopause has changed my vagina and I have so many physical issues and I'm so different that I feel no one wants me. That has unfortunately been proven my whole life. I'm told that I'm attractive and look younger than my age and I'm not more than five pounds over weight, but it's like I'm invisible to nice men. At this point I have so many issues that I'm too weary to deal with relationship stuff anyway. But I desperately miss gentle, wordless cuddling.

''Retreating into his safe cave' would not normally lead me to Arnica, although one would have to explore it to really get a sense of what process they are describing there.'


If you give me specific questions to explore this I will try my best to answer.

Thanks, David....

Hi David,

I will answer the questions in seperate posts so I don't get overwhelmed, anxious and shut down.

-What changes have occurred physically?

Other than the bits and pieces I've written about in previous posts, I think the most striking change has been my mental/emotional calmness rather than physical. That said, tonight I am having a mastocytosis flare that hopefully won't be more than the intensely hot red flushing on my face, ears and chest , heavy head, more coughing with tighter windpipe, light headed a bit, sweating on my face, under my chin on my neck, and around my ears. It's actually beginning to be scary. I've been very stable with these types of masto symptoms (other than the cough) for over a month now. It is definitely either from the tiny bit of Balsamic vinegar on the salad or from the remedy. It's increasing as I'm typing. There are the classic masto weirdnesses of sensations including the building brain fog so I will try to keep typing. I'm sweating more, my ears, back of head, neck feel tingly and thick. I'm starting to feel the very heavy head feeling and my heart is beating faster. I feel like I could pass out. As in the past my right side, top of my head down my right cheek, neck, down my right arm feels different, and my walking gate is off. It's like a line running from top to toes the whole length on my right side. I usually take the H1 blocker hydroxyzine when this happens. I don't know what to do. This is a classic masto flare. my right hand is much colder than my left. my neck is stiffer and scalp feels tight towards the back. I can't think clearly enough to deal with the other questions. My head is very heavy and wants to flop to the right.

I actually feel hungry even though I ate a good salad less than two hours or one hour ago. Should I take the allopathic meds?

Okay, it's still pretty intense but it let up a little with the EFT method of tapping. I'm going to try to ride this out without the meds but I'm due for them in an hour or two anyway.

Sorry david, words are not comming for my symptoms. Feel very weird but it is typical for the more non-lifethreatening mastocytosis reactions that have been happening for decades.

Ver5y flushed, right hand not working well. face is both very hot and cool feeling in spots. sweating face. head heavy. neck weak. right back head and around right ear to under right chin on neck feels weird. head flopping right on weak neck. head feels bigger on right than left. coughing. kidney area sore more left side.

im ok i just cant think right now

right calf leg usually feels tightly wrapped with duck tape but not as bad as usual.

i do think this is arnica but maybe tiny bit vinegar on salad. still feel very flared but im okay. chest tight and windpipe tight and coughing. mind spacey. start to type and space out staring at computer. waves of flushes. pressure building in liver area pushing lower right ribs. going through to right kidney. right hand sore.outer three fingers cramped like. i have dupyutrens on both hands left oneworse.

whole right side of head and neck feels bigger than left. sides feel very different. pains in right thumb muscle. sweating facew and ears.and right ear and right jaw thick.

im ok

Hi, I'm very spacy and head very heavy flopping to right side. sharp pain ache down in top right shoulder. hands warm now not6 working well. left hand sweaty. less flushed. head feels big with pressure not pain. i start to type and lose thoughts. just stare.

im going to make tea and eat. im ok.

Hi David, I'm coming out of it. It must be the arnica because a very scary issue that used to happen when I was very ill in the begining of the disease happened...

I could not swallow. I could not command my brain to swallow. I had to be calm and remind myself that I could breath. Even when I coughed I could not make myself swallow.

I finally can but it feels like hard work and not easy. I went to pee and I'm walking better but when I saw myself in the mirror just now my right cheek is much more red than my left. I still feel very weird but again, this has been too common since 1990 and mastocytosis. I took my meds and am coming out of it. Usually I am in fight or flight mode and very panicked to do anything to make the feelings go away and save my life. This time I felt eirily calm. And usually they last much much longer, though I'm not out of it yet completely. I'm still feeling the stab of pain down into the top of my shoulder. I'm fried! Head is still heavy and flopping to right. hands feel very strange, joints feel swollen and achey now in fingers. strange feeling face head right side head. now quick little stab down top of left shoulder. mid back is sore. both ears feel slight pains but each is different. feel like too small too tight hat is on my head..

i cant answer questions tonight. hopefully my mind and body will be better tomorrow and i'll try then.

Hi David,

It's morning. I just woke up, laying on right side with stabbing pain down into my right shoulder. I'm coughing and certainly do not feel as good, calm and clear as I did before the flare/aggravation last night. It was very intense and there had been no warning at all.

My head still feels bigger on the right side and heavy, as well as my right cheek feeling thicker/bigger. My right shoulder is achy and it goes down my right arm sometimes. I feel very wiped out.

Maybe I should not have taken my meds and let the Arnica 200c run it's course but I did not want to end up in anaphlaxis/vascular collapse.

Thankfully it id finally a very blue sky outside, though my mood is certainly not the lightness of before the masto drama last night.

I will try to answer your questions of last night today but I'm not feeling cognitively sharp at all.

Hi David,

I just had my herbal 'calming' tea with a bit of rice milk. My right hip joint is sore. I have many years of sacrum insufficiency issues. And my right shoulder is quite painful with both the general aching of it that goes down the right arm at times, as well as the sharp stabbing pain that comes from over my shoulder straight down in it. I also noticed a spot right where my upper right arm bone meets my shoulder that is extremely sore to the touch. It is just a bit towards the back from the top. I'm getting some fleeting sharp pains in my liver area higher up from the usual pressure issue.


'What is the experience of being invisible?'


There are two sides of this for me. The first began in my early childhood with ongoing fantasies of being inside one of Lawrence Welk's Bubbles and floating in the air so no one could see me to embarrass and humiliate me but low enough to watch and observe other people and life in safety/unobserved. This stayed with me throughout much of my life and when I was diagnosed with systemic mastocytosis and saw a diagram of a mast cell and the action of it, I was struck by the metaphore. My fantasies of lounging in this rainbow swirled soap bubble were so amazing and soothing. Nobody could hurt me with looks or words. I can still feel the incredible comfort and safety of laying in this bubble with a graceful, sensuous floating through the air. Nobody could ruin the beauty. The interesting thing as I think of it now is that in those many years of the same fantasy, the bubble never popped. Mast cells unfortunately do pop/degranulate, releasing loads of chemical mediators that cause symptoms of my flare last night, deadly vascular collapse, osteoporosis and so much more..... too much of a good thing meant for defending the body against toxic invasion but causing it's own.

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=lawrence+welk%27s+bubbles&....

The other side is that even when I am not seeking isolation in my bubble or cave, I feel that I am invisible except for my imagined weirdnesses, differences, etc. Men have never approached me unless they are married or in another relationship so I'm more relaxed and not so afraid of them. Then they think I'm wonderful for those huge differences but I run because that is not safe. I just wish a really great guy who is unusually gentle and kind could see how special I am and really appreciate those differences.

Describe the experience of retreating into a cave.

Saving my life. Going to a safe cubby where I don't see or hear negative judgements, feel humiliation and intense embarrassment which would make me judge myself and make too much noise in my head. I suppose my hearing loss has conveniently shut out some of that so to be more bearable.

I was induced before I was ready to be born. The doctor did not want his vacation to be interrupted so he took me before I was ready. I was barely 5 pounds, afraid, overwhelmed and never really caught up emotionally. I was hospitalized with severely high fevers in that first year and others. My sister was 15 months older than me and very precocious. I think I remember my Mom saying I did not get the attention or amount of relaxed nursing that I needed. I was always very sensitive and nervous around people, other than my special Grandma. My most important role model was my cat, Fluffy. When things got too intense in any way she would curl up in a ball, alone in a safe, quiet spot, and wait it out. That cat lived to the age of 27.

Maybe 'retreating to my cave' is like going back to the womb... of course I don't remember if that was as peaceful as I'd like to assume it was.

Describe more on 'too weary'.

I think tired and worn out more in my mind than physically. Worn out by my ongoing intuitive sensitivities and noise about other people, whether accurate, which they often are, or if I'm just over thinking, over-feeling assumed judgements and negative thoughts about me from others. I guess I could say, weary by overanalyzing and either knowing what and why I don't pass 'the test' in my reply or looks or actions... or trying very hard to be my own cheerleader and nurturer which is extremely hard to do because of the unfortunate messages I got from my father that I had the power to be more smart, more social, more this and that and less silly. I would try so hard but it would end up making me much worse and running for my private space to save my life and quiet my head and heart.



What is the experience of not being wanted?

It's filled with Confusion. I'm a really good, empathetic and gentle person. It seems people only use me as a psychotherapist because they know I won't share the info and I am very understanding. I can almost always feel what they are feeling even if it is so different from who I am. Even as a child the only friends I had used me because I was so empathetic but then dropped me the minute they felt better. I know I'm very different than most people in this crazy, high-tech, material, superficial age we are in. I really appreciate the natural, simple and mellow. I'm a slow person in an insanely fast world that is self-destructing because of it. I know I am not the only one like me but that does not help when I'm surrounded by the opposite. Not wanted can cause deep sadness and confusion but I'm sure it can also be relief at times.
[message edited by tahbi on Thu, 20 Oct 2011 17:43:23 BST]

Continuing to update....

Issues with back, sacrum, shoulder, cough better but not gone.

I'm going for a hike with my dog and felt so lethargic that I had half cup of black tea. It made me break out in sweat on my face and neck.

Mood is not as light as before last nights reaction drama and I feel very tired so I'm forcing myself to get up off my butt for this hike. I have had a few times today when I began to have another masto flare but it thankfully subsided. The right shoulder dagger just hit again. Off for the hike to hopefully set my mind free.

Hi David,

I'm doing very well. I went for the hike up a steep smaller mountain and was rewarded with absolutely spectacular views. My body did well, which was great validation for the remedy as well as the strict diet I've been on for a month now and the walks I have forced myself to take every day.

I was feeling quite worn out mentally and physically before I left so I allowed myself half a cup of black tea and it gave me what I did not have before it. Staying away from my one cup of coffee for the whole month has been tough but necessary for the high-alkaline diet I'm on. So I allowed myself the mini-buzz. To be honest I was self medicating because I had asked a long-time friend to climb the mountain with me since it was her birthday today. We had a bitter falling out a few months ago so I was nervous about our reunion. Thanks to the tiny bit of tea and the Arnica it went very well and the view at the top was the reward as well as seeing how far my body has come in a month after being so ill. I also was amazed due to the intense flare last night.

Right now the more intense aches and pains of earlier are minimal.

Thanks...
[message edited by tahbi on Thu, 20 Oct 2011 23:26:26 BST]

Hi David,

I'm assuming you have read my posts and the answers to my questions. Is there anything else specifically that you need to know? There is such a long, loaded history.

I'm also assuming that you have not replied because you want me to stay where I am at with this potency for a longer period of time.

Please just leave me a quick note with your thoughts.

Thanks....