Seeking constitutional remedy for social phobia _{Page 14 of 20}

Here is the main thing I found about it:
http://homeoresearch.blogspot.com/2010/08/beryllium-beryl_30...

I agree that it sounds really good but I have taken Ambra Grisea before, back when I was self-prescribing, for that very reason. I'm sorry. I'm not being difficult on purpose. I only took the 30c and I don't remember it very clearly.

I really think I need a Stage 2 mineral. You've already prescribed 2 of them, so you must kind of think so too. They have a lot of those same symptoms: Shyness, inhibition, fear of being observed, the feeling that if people laugh it is at them, difficulty with concentration and communication. Partly what I relate to in them is the feeling of being a small child, kind of bewildered by everything, in a world where everyone knows the rules except me, where everyone has more power than me. To me the Beryllium sounds closer than Calcarea or Baryta. The other two are even more obscure, and I can't find hardly anything about them.

My mind is really unfocused lately. I can't do anything that requires any concentration at all. Also I have more nervous tics than usual. I noticed I've been jerking my neck a lot, wiggling my fingers, and squeezing my hands into fists. (I wiggle more in the right hand and squeeze more in the left hand, but I do both on both sides, just in different proportions.)Etc. My ears hurt, not inside the canal but just inside the folds, both of them hurt in the same place and it seems weird. I've been going for walks a lot. I've been noticing how much I hate trash and sleaze. Like when people yell out of their car window, or when they play really horrible music really loud so everybody in the neighborhood has to hear it. It's hard not to feel superior to those people but I know according to my religion I'm not supposed to think I'm better than anybody else but then that's depressing because it lowers the bar so much and I fail to see the good or the beauty in it. It's like they're deliberately spreading ugliness.

Ok I've opened the link and I'm going to read about it but I have more physical complaints. My breathing feels feeble, like my muscles won't expand enough to let in enough air or something. I've had that feeling before. It is also kind of noisy, and my chest kind of hurts. I've also noticed (not for the first time either) that I tend to wait a few seconds between breaths. So it's actually like I'm almost too lazy to breath. Also my eyes are burning. I'm wondering if I might be having some kind of chemical sensitivity but I can't figure out what might be different in my environment. It's distressing. Does that fit any picture you know of? Also I am very jumpy because a bug crawled on me a few days ago and now whenever I feel something on my skin I jump.

And also this morning I have a strange icy cold feeling inside my body, and had to cover up with blankets after having been hot and needing the fan on all night. Still have the symptoms described yesterday too. Did not sleep well.

Very sensitive to light today, it hurts my eyes. Hate sunlight. It has been cloudy for the last few days, which I like, but now the sun is coming out again which annoys me. When I see the sunlight coming in through the window I dislike it. I feel like it is spring, even though it is fall. I dislike spring. Not as much as summer but in a way maybe more, it's so bright and balmy like Prozac. I resent having to speak today because it takes too much breath. I just want to lie in bed and have peace and quiet.

And now also an outbreak of cold sores and the feeling of a lump in my throat.

I read about the Baryta remedy and I have no objections to it but right now all this ickiness is surfacing which I hadn't anticipated. Like it's demanding to be recognized. I know that this is not the kind of remedy I was saying, and I also know that you know that, so I surrender.

Yes, I know. I Googled the symptoms after reporting them and found every single one of them listed under Lachesis. All day I've been thinking about the psychological implications of it. Because it is probably the remedy that I relate to the least. I think of the classic Lachesis temperament as being the exact opposite of me. I see those traits in everyone but myself. So obviously I don't have anywhere near as much self-knowledge as I thought. Unfortunately I'm broke and can't order any remedies right now. But I will as soon as I can.

It has been 31 days since I took Lachesis 1m. But also I just moved into a new apartment so it has been hectic and I don't know how much of the difference in how I feel is due to the change in surroundings and the upheaval. No major breakthroughs though. I think what is different mentally is that I have shifted the blame from others back onto myself, so I have a lot of guilt. I am still very irritable but I feel guilty about that too. Physically, I have a sore throat and a yeast infection. My muscles are achy, and I get urges to stretch but only end up hurting myself.

The main thing right now is that the feeling of being a small child seems even stronger than before. Like I am new here and totally inexperienced and at a disadvantage because other people are more worldly.

...There is no change. I just started a new job, and it's going ok, but I'm shy with the coworkers, and I feel like they hate me because I won't socialize with them. One person has already commented on the strangeness of my manner, and I think I have seen several others looking at me funny. It's the sort of thing that leads to self-loathing. If I pretended to be autistic then I would have an excuse, but then I would be locked into that, and what I most need is for people to interact with me as if I were normal. It's like being normal is a gift that can only be given by others, like I have to be initiated or something. I haven't been invited to join the human family yet.

[message deleted by LisaX on Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:40:01 GMT]

There is a remedy that I would like to try, and I was going to search through the thread and quote the supporting statements that I know I made back there somewhere, but I can't, it makes me too uncomfortable to read what I've written. I would like to try Lac Maternum. Please consider it.

It has been over a month since I took the Lac Maternum but I still don't know what it's doing. It has been intense and painful, and it continues to be so. Therefore I will wait longer and see if there is a breakthrough. I'm struggling a lot with things I don't know the answers to, and it seems probable that I need some kind of therapy in addition to just homeopathy but I've never had good experiences with that sort of thing in the past. I'll report if there is a change.

It will take some thought because I tend to not be as aware of my physical body as I am of my mental state. My main physical complaint is the headaches which I have complained about before. It is mostly on the right side, and I think it is caused by TMJ or something like that, in the right side of my jaw. It is accompanied by nausea and a general crummy feeling. I don't know how to describe the pain but it makes me want to drive something into my skull to make it stop (which I know would not be a practical solution.)It is better if I spend a lot of time massaging my head or stretching, or if I take prescription strength pain pills. It is worse from being yelled at but I'm not sure what else, nobody yells at me anymore but I still get the headaches sometimes. I also have a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders and they hurt sometimes too, and that's the area where my tension seems to concentrate. Worse on the right side. My tension is always better after I use my voice, like if I sing for a while or read a story to my son. That helps release it. But I am generally too inhibited to use my voice much, and I resent having people around too much because I feel like it pushes all my energy down and I can't move freely. For example I live in a duplex with thin walls so I don't dare sing because I'm afraid the neighbors can hear. If I could push through that fear and shake off the control that I imagine people have over me then I know I would feel a lot better but I would also feel exposed, and then people would have new stuff to rub my face in and I would be driven inside all over again.

The headaches are also helped by physical contact, like if I can rest my head on someone, or on a pet.

I have a recurrent pain in the left side of my abdomen, about an inch to the left of my navel. It gets a little sharper every year. Years ago it felt like a purely emotional pain, like that sort of gnawing that goes along with loneliness or sadness. Then it developed into a dull physical pain and now I get sharp pains there sometimes. Maybe an ulcer? But there are no digestive symptoms, only the pain. It is worse when I feel lonely or rejected.

Sensitivity to lights and noise and motion. Difficulty with processing when there is too much going on.

I will think more about it.