Seeking constitutional remedy for social phobia _{Page 9 of 20}

Ok, that's good, I will order them when I have the money. But I was wondering whether I might also revisit the Natrum Carbonicum. The reason is, I know that it's the thing that helped the most in dealing with my husband. He would yell at me for hours at a time, and after taking that I was able to stay more calm and centered, instead of just cowering in fear, and each potency helped more. That was the most striking feature of it. I saw my husband today after having not seen him for a long time (we're separated) and I noticed that the tendency to cower in fear is not totally gone, I still tend to just brace myself and wait for him to leave, and I feel weak and shaky inside and can't look directly at him, and I still felt that way for the rest of the day after he left.

My point being, since the remedy helped with that but didn't totally remove it, that makes me wonder if maybe it did an incomplete job? Also, that can't just be an isolated reaction to my husband; even if he has the strongest effect on me, the same thing must be going on at a lesser level in other situations.

But I don't know, I'm afraid to experiment, the last one I took was already 1m, I just wanted to get your opinion on it.

No changes. I think it mostly made me start wanting to be nicer to people. I realized I was being kind of hypocritical and mean, and that I need to be more patient and attentive with my son, etc. But there really isn't any effect on the social anxiety, it's like it operates in a totally separate realm from that. I got another bad review on my interview skills. I always come close to crying in job interviews. I will never get a job that way. Even if I've spent hours psyching myself up for it and I feel ok before I go, once I'm thrown into the situation I fall apart.

That's why I want to to go back to something that's more focused on that sort of thing. I really like the Lachesis but it just has no effect on it. I learned a lot from the dose I took, and I request to return to something that works more specifically on social oversensitivity. It's just that nothing has done the thing that needs to happen so I'm still hoping to find the thing that will work.

I have taken Sulphur, I think 30c, I don't have a clear idea of what it did because I didn't have as much practice paying attention to it then. I took the whole bottle because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. It didn't have as noticeable of an effect as some of the other things I took back then; I didn't feel instantly different after taking it like I have with some things.

My last reply seems to have not posted. No, I've never taken that. It would have never occurred to me. I'm willing to try it.

A ray of hope. I feel a spark of something I think is confidence but it's still quiet and subtle and works best when I'm alone. I assume I should order 200c, or do you want more information?

Ok.
After taking it the first thing I wanted to do was play music and sing along with it. I noticed that I was singing louder than the music so that I could hear my own voice, instead of trying to blend in and hide inside it. I'm not terrible at it and do it kind of expressively. I've done this on a few other occasions since then, and get a little better each time. I still can only do it when I'm alone, but I couldn't even do that before because I was too inhibited. I've noticed that I like singing Hank Williams best, for what it's worth.

Over the next few days after taking it I got tired and sick and cranky and weepy just like I always do when a homeopathic remedy is working. There's a slightly different flavor to it each time but there was nothing more specific than that as far as physical symptoms.

Another thing is that I said some things to some people (over e-mail)that I'd wanted to say for a long time but hadn't had the nerve. I think I said it diplomatically.

Also I'm not sure but I think I'm doing things more spontaneously and not second-guessing myself as much. Like somebody wrote to me that I hadn't heard from in a long time and I immediately sent back a quick and simple reply instead of carefully considering what I was going to say.

Also I think just better self-esteem. I don't feel ashamed of who I am. I feel good.

It still is very hard to talk to people in person or to make conversation or make eye contact. I've had opportunities to test this and it doesn't seem easier. However, I say this with a different tone than before.

One of my remaining blocks- this was there all along but was covered up by other stuff so it's standing out more loudly now- is that I basically think most people are kind of phony and insincere and most of the social gestures are part of a game that I don't really want to play. When I try to play it with them out of necessity I always feel like they're trying to dominate me. I want to maintain my space. I guess I feel like the people who accept me as I am whether I know how to play the game or not are the only ones I care to know anyway.

Ok, I have it, what now?

When I didn't get a response I went ahead and took the 200c in the usual method, but just before I took it I was feeling about the same as when I last wrote. I hadn't noticed any further improvements, but the ones I reported seemed stable. I took the 200c on Wednesday evening so it has only been about a day and a half.

It has been over 3 weeks but I don't know what to report because I don't know whether there has been any improvement or not this time. Definitely not anything close to what I had hoped for, and nothing strong enough to overshadow the discomfort that I still feel. The only thing out of the ordinary is that for a while when I closed my eyes I would feel like I was moving even when I was sitting still, but it seems to have passed. I had a sore throat for about a week. What next?

Ok, done.
I continue to have episodes which are very much like flashbacks from psychedelics. It's mostly visual: Everything is very bright and vivid, when I try to read the words jump off the page, etc. It isn't inherently disturbing but it's annoying and it makes me worry about my brain chemistry.
I've had a cold these last 2 weeks, with a sore throat, coughing, sneezing, the usual stuff, and I seem to still have a slight fever. I'm a little dazed, in general, and wish I were more focused.
I can't say for sure whether or not there is any change in the level of social anxiety because maybe there would be if I weren't sick and kind of tripping but under the circumstances it's hard to say. Nothing really obvious, though.

They are actually mild, no actual hallucinations, just distortion. Colors are very bright and vivid and visual details stand out sharply. Not unpleasant, and nothing that interferes with my life except for when I try to read because the words seem to jump off the page. Also I think it makes it even harder for me to clean my house because I seem inclined to interpret things visually on their own terms (as patches of color and pattern) as opposed to labelling them as clutter or whatever but I don't think my reasoning is impaired (or maybe I wouldn't know if it was) so it's not hard to override that stuff. My depth perception is somehow not as it should be, I know how far things are from me but the way they look doesn't match up with it.

When I was in my early 20's I took a lot of LSD. At that time I was also on Paxil, an antidepressant, which I think protected me from having bad trips and also made it easier to engage in reckless behavior such as casually taking powerful hallucinogens on a regular basis. Nothing really bad happened to me as a result of that and I haven't given it much thought in the years since then. But this is basically identical to a flashback from that sort of thing. That doesn't mean that's what it is, but it's some kind of similar fluctuation in my brain chemistry.

Also my head has been hurting even more than usual.

no.